Chon*

I have definitely grown quite a bit since I've been in Thailand. I mean, not physically, because nearly 20 pounds of me have melted off in the humidity/spice sweat/parasite diet, but definitely emotionally. Case in point: as I mentioned on my friend Andrew's blog, I have been missing the Urban Family of Phoenix, and feeling just a tad on the lonely side. This is due to some recent developments, which include miscommunication with various loved ones in my life (which were largely my fault); some rather intense personal circumstances that have been severely difficult for me to wrap my little brain around (Life and Death stuff), thereby causing me to withdraw a bit; and the realization that, no, I won't see my family for an entire calendar year, and being apart from them for that long is much harder than I would have thought. However, here's the happy part: Whereas one year ago I would have just curled up and cried (and, um, don't get me wrong, there has been plenty of that), this time I decided to dust myself off, say "fuck it," and throw a dinner party for the wonderful people here in Bangkok that I am lucky to call my friends.

The thing about dinner parties is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE throwing them. I love to entertain. I love having people in my home, I love getting them drunk, I love scrubbing floors in preparation for their precious feet. However, they can be insanely stressful, especially if said dinner party is the grand finale in the exceptionally chaotic performance known as Your Day. Having people in your home helps you to appreciate it more (oh gosh, that Buddha really DOES look pretty there!), but each guest seems to hand you a crazed magnifying glass as they walk through the door (**completely of your own invention, mind you, not as a result of what anyone else has said or thought**), designed to bring certain psychotic flaws to life (OMG....these light fixtures SUCK! Why are my walls such an eye-frying white? I just dusted! Why the hell are the floors ALREADY DUSTY AGAIN????). Add all of these neurotic thoughts to the fact that the air con in the dining room wasn't working, and it didn't look like there would be enough food at first, and you've got a recipe for Melted Down Brooke. Just bake at 90 degrees (not hard, considering the, um, lack of air con....)

BUT, the good news is that the wonderful people who are my friends have earned that title for a reason. They were sweet and wonderful and repeatedly ordered me to RELAX and SIT DOWN and DRINK THIS WINE. And the conversation got on a roll, and I started running around taking pictures, and I ordered some more food, and before I knew it I was enjoying the incredible company in my midst (wine buzz notwithstanding) and feeling the kind of familiar comfort that one can only feel when friends are in one's home.

It occurred to me that, save for buying several rounds of pitchers at the Redline, I hadn't entertained friends since leaving Phoenix. Sure, I may have been a little out of practice, and I definitely wished that my friend N. had been there, but it made me miss the past a whole lot less. And it was probably the most at home I've felt in Bangkok in the ten months (!!!) that I've been here. And it felt much better than indulging my self-pitying sadness and penning homages to my angst.

So here's to growth and to friends. And here's to a party at my place at least once a month.

P.S.: Does anyone know where you can find a pinata in Bangkok?? 'Cause you can take the girl out of Phoenix, but you can't take the crazy pinatas that we used to break in Phoenix outta the girl......

*In Thai, this literally means "crash" or "collide." It is also, however, what you say before clinking glasses. It is the Thai version of "cheers!"