Good Night, Vietnam!!

I'm a little drunkity drunk drunk. They have places here in Hanoi that brew their beer sans preservatives and therefore must get rid of it at the end of the day. Which means they sell it (in all of its watery glory) for the equivalent of 20 cents per glass. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

While I've found it difficult to lock into the expat community in Bangkok, I've had no trouble doing it here in Hanoi. All I had to do was walk up to a group of people, ask if I could join them on their guided tour of the Ho Chi Minh Mueseum (oh I sooooo have no qualms about walking up to random strangers and asking if they'll be my friends), and WHAM!!! New friends. Some Canadians, some Australians, and a couple from Minnesota. We had drinks and food and parsed the expat experience, leaving no topic off limits--from our stomach ailments to the fibrous details of our physical, mental, cultural, and linguistic border crossings.

As an expat, I often feel very alone. The fact that my work situation is rather isolated (and, well, far from perfect...or even far from tolerable some days....but that's not relevant at the moment) doesn't help matters much. Don't get me wrong--there are a gazillion things that I love about my life in Asia and wouldn't trade for anything. I am also learning to weather the ups and downs while staying internally steady. However, some days I feel like I am forced to take on these gigantic barriers of culture and language and identity armed with nothing but a genuine smile and the dogged determination brought on by my Midwestern work ethic. While wallowing never did anyone any good, tonight it was nice to hear that I'm actually NOT alone, and that other expats have their dark days. It felt good to hear the words "I totally know how you feel." I will probably never see these people again, and I know very little about them outside of their expat identities. But it was nice to commiserate. It was nice to briefly feel like a part of a community where people understand the mixed blessings of the wanderlust. And, well, I couldn't help but agree when one person said that the true MEANING and LESSONS of our time here will not become fully apparent until we are back home. While I think I am quite able to articulate the revelations that I have had out here, I don't think I will understand how they fit into the jigsaw pattern of my life until I am back in a familiar context, surrounded by loved ones, and no longer feeling like each day is a free fall.

Ultimately, though, I think I need to keep in mind the words that a Canadian fellow said tonight: "Sure, it's hard and it's a roller coaster, and you are going to have your tough moments. However, your life is not at risk. You're not marching off to war. You are most likely not going to DIE. And as long as you don't die, you have no choice but to grow stronger."

Indeed. I feel so good right now. And that's not just the beer talking.

Good night!