Weeks

The time that I have left in Thailand can now be measured out in weeks, which is so strange, because there were many times when I felt like it would never, ever end. That there were just these huge, gaping expanses of time that seemed like they would just...go on...forever. By the way, this has been both a good thing and a bad thing at times (though more often than not a GOOD thing). And now....I have three more weeks of work left, after which Peter and I will be traveling to Vietnam and Chiang Mai, and then it's back to the U.S. for good.

I am feeling strangely at ease with everything. I still have quite a few loose ends to tie up at work, I have some specific purchases to make for myself before I go, and I want to to a whole lotta gift shopping. I need to finish some scrapbooks and make sure that my pen and paper journals are all updated so that all of my little adventures are documented, I need to finish my online class for my 45 clock hours of SEI training in order to keep my AZ certificate valid (which has been a HUGE pain in the ass), I need to visit Ayutthaya and maybe do one more beach trip, and, um, I need to FIND A JOB (the whole job search process has been a lot more complicated than I had anticipated, but something will work out), but I am feeling calm about it.

I am feeling very sad, but I also have a wonderful sated feeling. I think part of it is because, once my loose ends are tied up, I will have accomplished everything I set out to do, seen everything I wanted to see, done mostly everything I wanted to do (I would need ten lifetimes to REALLY do everything I wanted to do), and then some. I did not finish my memoir (there's time for that later) or learn Thai (yeah, I kinda gave up on that one....), and LORD KNOWS this experience has had its massive, massive, gut-wrenching imperfections, but one thing that I have realized is that you don't learn nearly as much when things are easy from start to finish. As Peter told me on the phone the other night, if you are not making mistakes, you are not challenging yourself enough.

I'm off to Luang Prabang, Laos, in an hour. This trip is significant for three reasons: 1.) It's the first trip where I actually took a day off of work in order to extend it, 2.) It's a place I've been DYING to see for so long, and 3.) With the exception of my Ayutthaya trip and possible beach jaunt, it's my final solo journey. After this, all of my trips will be with Peter.

I don't think I can really fully prepare myself for how much my life is going to change in the next few months, but I really feel ready for anything. And for now, I'm going to go buy some textiles (though I reeeeally don't need more stuff to ship back to the U.S., so I will try to restrain myself....but, textiles! Hand woven! As part of a rich cultural tradition! Yay!), eat some baguettes, visit some temples, and enjoy my final moments of alone time before beginning life as part of a cohabitating couple.

I'll write about my trip upon my return!